Giraffe
by Two Guns and a Knife
Summary: A 3-chapter story. Love is overrated. So are lust, desire, and need.
1. Giraffe

**Giraffe**

The rain keeps on falling. The night becomes darker. The beer has left a dull taste in his mouth. And now, his bed is cold. Soon it will be yet another day in his life. 30 something. Tall. Dark. Lean. Handsome. Italian. Bad boy. Good cop. Ordinary man. Dog owner. Winter is coming. He can smell it in the wind. Tonight, somehow, he can not sleep.

Must be the extra spicy buffalo wings and all those bags of BBQ chips. His life is too damn complicated, and these days he's been having this constant headache. Whenever he tries to make plans for the future, his mind becomes empty. He has not a clue what he's been doing. The whole world knows his girlfriend has feeling for somebody. For some reason she just can't settle down with him. And now, suddenly, he's not sure if he's really willing to pay the price. For a woman like Stephanie.

Yep, he's been having doubts. He's been asking himself all kinds of questions. It feels like something's trying to break out of his skin. He's not a boy anymore. He's a fully grown man in his prime. He wants to accomplish something and then be proud of it. He wants to be able to smile triumphantly around at all the staring people and feel cocky. But Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie. He has no fucking idea what to do with Stephanie. Sex has never been a problem for the two of them and they love the same kind of food. They even support the same hockey and baseball teams. But sometimes, when he turns his head to look at her, he will catch a glimpse of her uncertainty. It seems that she has absolutely no idea what tomorrow will bring, but she already hates it. And that frustrates the Hell out of him.

Marriage. Family. Kids. All of a sudden he feels this pressing urge to start breeding. _Breeding? _He winces at his own choice of wording. When the Zombie Apocalypse comes, does he want to fight side by side with Stephanie? Linda Hamilton***** is, of course, a better choice. Twinkies. Shotguns. Poor poor Bill Murray******. Bob stirs in his sleep. He turns off the TV and starts laughing. Ah, the perks of being Detective Joe Morelli. Slowly his soft laughter dies. He, too, is reluctant to pay the price. And he's dying to drive that shining Porsche. The powerful, elegant German car. How he wants to be the man at the wheel. He leans his head back against the chewed up couch. No marriage. No babies. No relationship. "Smart man." He whispers.

Winter is here.

*****_** Terminator 2**_.

**** Zombieland. **


	2. Monkeys

**Monkeys**

Ah, the price she paid for that bottle of sparkling champagne.

She blows out a sigh and struggles out of her warm cozy bed. She desperately has to pee. Her small untidy apartment is very quiet. The toilet seat is oh so cold. She closes her eyes, shivers, and listens to the stubborn rain. Winter's arrived early this year. Soon Christmas will be here. Soon she will be closer to 40 years old. Her life. Her future. And all the problems at hand. She's just trying, as always, to live one day at a time without thinking, planning, and worrying too much. She simply can't see herself making and saving enough money to buy a house. She's tired of her job. Dangerous crazy skips. Exotic, bizarre animals. Dumpsters. Garbage bags. Blown up cars. Dead bodies. Who know? Maybe one day she'll be abducted by the aliens, saved by Ranger, and then finally become Mrs. Joe Morelli. Pot roast. Pasta. Bob. And kids. Who says life has to end up like a fairy tale? Who says life can't be like a cheap paperback romance? She is, after all, Stephanie Plum. And, maybe, this is how the story is supposed to end. Follow the map. Ask no stupid questions. Married to the tall dark handsome man who took her virginity. Yay. Every woman's dream. The reason why ancient Chinese women bound their feet to attract respectable husbands and have nice things. Yeah, she read that somewhere on the internet. Know thy place. Please thy man. This is what her mother has been trying to teach her.

She knows she's probably a little bit drunk. Tiny, 3-inch-long, disfigured feet. Those poor women could barely walk. Birds in the cage. Clipped wings. She flashes the toilet. Joe's hairy chest. Joe's garlic breath. Joe's wishes. Joe's dreams. Her mother has to hide a bottle of whiskey in her kitchen cabinet. Her father sits down at the head of the table and starts eating. Every night. 6 sharp. Silently. A happy big family. She crawls back into bed. She tries her best to fall asleep. The bed is too cold to her liking. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. She's so not thinking about tomorrow.

She hates winter.


	3. Merry Christmas, Mrs Joe Morelli

**Merry Christmas, Mrs. Joe Morelli**

The sun is up. The air is crisp. And yesterday afternoon Stephanie Plum became Mrs. Joe Morelli.

He can't tell if he should feel happy. He wasn't invited to the wedding. No need to make a scene. Their mutual understanding. The bride's and groom's mothers wouldn't be happy. He stayed cool and calm. He signed a big contract. He plans to retire at 50. The company will be in good hands. He will see to that. He has places to go and things to do, and nope, he really isn't Batman. And somehow, he doesn't feel sad. It's just another ordinary day. It's just another average story with a HEA. Someone made an usual decision. Someone chose a common path. Whether that someone is someone he used to love and know has nothing to do with the real question here. We are what we choose and from time to time we all do stupid things and make careless mistakes. But we can't all be mad Hatters, Babe. Life's not a game nor a gamble. He's who and what he is. Some of his men were disappointed. Some are relieved. And Tank, his loyal friend and second-in-command, adopted another cat. She's someone else's responsibility now. She is somebody's wife. No more freaking accidents. No more blown up cars. No more dead bodies. No more strange exotic animals. No more farce and cheap comedies. The End. Fin. He's a father, a son, a brother, the part owner of his company. He has his life to live.

And now, he's finally free.

**~The End~**


End file.
